i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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