I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
