"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
