I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
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dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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