I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
