I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
