I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Never underestimate the power of titties
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
