Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How's work?
Spinning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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