VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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