I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize