just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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