smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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