I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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