We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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