It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
