Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
