We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
