Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"