just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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