rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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