It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!