I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
