Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
