Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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