i just sent this text using only my big toe
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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