my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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