You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
