I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
