ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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