yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
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His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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