help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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