If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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