i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How does one acquire holy water?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
