My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
