The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
