I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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