he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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