its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
