This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
