if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
