Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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