so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
