Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
