Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
