It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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