I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
