it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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