I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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