I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
