she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
