I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
