Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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