you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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