She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
