he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
