Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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