I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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