I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
