Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
